forsakengirl001

So fits the moment

2009-02-19T23:44:43Z

"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?"
—Factotum, 1975

Another day in paradise

2009-02-04T12:43:03Z

Why does work have to be so complicated? Where did my drive for wanting something more go....Guess I should just be thankful I even have a job.

Long time no see

2009-01-30T17:11:29Z

So after a few years of not posting on this thing I finally think I'm ready to get things going again. I'm bored I guess is the main reason, but whatever. I've been a busy gal... doing the photography thing and it's going well. Being a mommy and a wife, both hard jobs that seem to be going well too.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what my husband has planned for this weekend. Having a get together on Sunday for the game (go Steelers) should be fun. Ohh and I have a photography workshop on Saturday I'm really excited about. Hope to get some good shots from that. I hope that's all.. somewhere in this I need some quite time for me and some fun time with the kids.

Okay back to work.

Her first pictures

2006-07-12T01:39:47Z

Here's some pictures of our darling little girl Jayla Rain. She will make her welcome to the world on August 23rd. (or before as mommy hopes)

We had a 3D Ultrasound today and I'm in awe of how beautiful she is... so I thought I'd share. There's one of her hand holding her toe. :)

forsakengirl001 @ 2006-01-10T16:19:00

2006-01-10T21:21:30Z

Well ... looks like me and the Mr. will be having the anti-christ... I'M PREGNANT!!

Oh good lord... now I've got to start all over with a wee one. I can't wait!!

Dear Santa

2005-12-12T21:42:05Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In February I ruled Canada as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Last Sunday I helped bellwitch hide a body (-173 points). Last Tuesday I gave evileve a life-saving blood transfusion (50 points). Last month I pulled unrepentant's hair (-5 points). Last Saturday I ruled Iran as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-128 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!

Sincerely,
forsakengirl001

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-12-12T14:50:00

2005-12-12T20:00:58Z

First day back at work since my LEEP. I felt like coming back on Friday but my doctor didn't release me until today. I feel GREAT!!! No more bleeding, no more pain... Now I just have to wait to get my call saying "Yes Ms. Tillman we got it all."

Got some X-mas shopping done yesterday. Heather went with me to Target... and of course a lot of toys Zach wanted they didn't have in stock. So we went on line and ordered the rest. Hopefully I'll get everything before X-mas.

Had a nice weekend. Had a few friends over Friday and got a little tipsy :P. One of our friends spent the night, so I got up and cooked a huge breakfast. After that we went and checked out some mini choppers and pocket rocket bikes. We found some really good deals, so we may be getting one. *crosses fingers* Then we headed over to Wally World to purchase some ammo. Our intent was to go shoot at our friends house (he's on about 200 acers) but the day slipped away from us and it got dark fast. SOoooo we came back home and drank and ate some more. Lots of friends over... lots of laughs... good times. :) Hope everyone is doing well. I've missed some birthday's ... sorry... please don't be too mad at me.

Tick Tock

2005-12-01T21:48:32Z

I hate the end of a work day. I leave myself with too much time to think about things. Guess I've always been like that though... over thinking over analyzing. Wish I had a little switch on the side of my head that I could turn off. The lady I work with, such a sweet heart, gave me a prayer book today. It made me cry. I'm not very religious but just the thought jerked the tears right out of me. I'll leave with one of the inserts....

It may seem insignificant
To say a word or two,
But when it is encouragement,
What wonders it can do!
-K. De Haan

Peace

Lookie What I Stole from the Gnome...

2005-11-18T15:05:30Z

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-17T16:28:00

2005-11-17T21:29:06Z

If it looks like bullshit, smells like bullshit, it must be bullshit.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-14T16:28:00

2005-11-14T21:46:13Z

I've been thinking a lot about what to do with my dad when he gets out next year. I don't even know where to start. He's been away since I was 10, so where do you start? I know he's going to need some time to adjust. He'll be in a half way house for 6 months, or until he gets his fine paid off. Then he'll probably stay with my grandparents for a while. A part of me wants to pick up and move there with him and a part of me says "you have your own life now". But I'm so torn. I'm a daddy's girl 100%. I'm so much like my dad. When I was little everyone called me Little Robert, because I looked and acted so much like him. But really, what do you do first? Go out and have a beer.. well he hasn't drank in 16 1/2 years, so I don't think he'll wanna start there. I'm going to getting him basic things and save it for when he gets out. He'll have nothing so every little thing he'll need.. socks underwear, pants, shirts, household items... Some of his stuff my mom sent from the divorce but it's old crap. But he has some things that I've held onto.. mostly jewelry. He'll probably sell it.. who knows. Every time I talk to him he talks about Zach and letting him come down to go fishing and stay with him for the summer, like I did with my grandparents before he went in. There's just soo much.. it makes me so emotional to think about everything that he's missed out on in life. And everything I've missed out on. My dad is a very strong person I wish I was more like him. After he went away my mom wasn't really there to show me and teach me about life. I had to wing it. I came out okay I guess, but little things that life brings you. His wisdom would've sent me in an entire different direction. Don't get me wrong.. I don't regret anything I've been through, I just know that if he would've been in my life I would be different. And when I think about him in there for 16 1/2 years my heart aches so much. I just can't imagine the pain of not being able to be there for your children and family. Being helpless. 304 days until freedom.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-14T11:44:00

2005-11-14T16:54:36Z

What a relaxing weekend. *sigh* Friday night we had a few friends over for dinner. Heather, Greg and Shawn.... then our friend James aka Flip Flop came over. It was fun.. nothing to eventful, just some food and drinks. Then Saturday I slept in... did laundry and went grocery shopping for more friends coming over. Jeezz.. we ended up frying two whole chickens, 2lbs of okra and enough black beans and rice to feed a small army. It was yummy. I had enough to drink by 11:30... took a small recovery break and partied till I dropped (which wasn't long after). Sunday was baby shower fun for my friend Beth. Heather and me went shopping before the shower (last min. shoppers.. Always!) I wanted to buy everything... ended up going over budget just a little. Came home had left overs and watched tv curled up next to Rodney. It was a good weekend. :)

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-10T15:38:00

2005-11-10T20:38:27Z

http://dream.tektek.org/

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-08T10:33:00

2005-11-08T15:36:02Z

I haven't felt this good in a long time. You ever just wake up with so much enthusiasm about the day that you get a perma grin. That's me today.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-11-02T16:35:00

2005-11-02T21:43:14Z

The boi got his frame (mutant buell conversion frame made by Redneck Engineering) a few days ago. I don't know who is more excited him or me. Not only do get to watch him create a masterpiece, but I get my garage cleaned in the process. This shit rocks!!! I swear he was like a little kid at Christmas... what a cutie. I was thinking about filming it.. from start to finish. I don't know though... every time I start a project I really want to finish I never do. (Like Red Dragon....right scourge ) So if I don't think too much about it... MAYBE I'll do it. Hopefully I'll get some good pics out of it too. My meetings with Mary always seem to get screwed up... but I really want to start working on my portfolio again. STAY FOCUSED! That's my new motto.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-10-27T16:07:00

2005-10-27T20:13:38Z

God I feel like I was run over. Didn't sleep good at all last night. Woke up around 4am feeling nauseas, and it's continued to haunt me all day. I'm off tomorrow to do some running around hopefully I can get some much needed sleep before I start my busy day tomorrow.

Our two year anniversary is tomorrow... yay!! I think we are going to keep it simple... dinner and a movie. Speaking of the asshole.. we got into the stupidest fight last night. Over a fucking peanut butter sandwich... jesus christ how sad is that... that's what our arguments have come too.

I'm sooo ready to go home... or sit in traffic then go home. PLEASE let this day end.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-10-25T11:00:00

2005-10-25T15:33:31Z

Sometimes it's easy to forget how good the simple things of our relationship make me so utterly happy. I've been able to clear my mind and not let the stress overwhelm me. I'm sure part of it has to do with the job... thank god I don't work at that shit whole life ruining job anymore.

So last night as Zach is going to bed...
Zach: I love you mommy, goodnight.
Me: Love you too sweetie, goodnight.
Zach: Love you Butnut.
Rodney: Love you too Butnut.

The one thing that makes me happy no matter what is knowing that Rodney and Zach have developed a relationship that I thought Zach would never have with a man. He has a father son relationship with Rodney that I thought was impossible. That's always been a problem with every relationship I've been in... How is Zach going to feel about this man or How is this man going to feel about Zach. It's never been a mutual thing and I couldn't stay in it if it wasn't. I've given up romance for a good father figure... Rodney isn't exactly the romantic type. Other relationships I've been in have been great for me (just speaking in terms of romance) but not for him, so I think the trade was a good one.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-10-10T14:55:00

2005-10-10T19:21:34Z

My new job rocks. It's such a relief to work and go home and not have a cell phone attached to me ringing all day and night. Everyone I work with seems really laid back, so that's good. I hate working with a bunch of stiffs. I'll be ordering my software this week.... one more package to look at then I get to spend some cheese. I love it when you have total control over a department and a large budget. I've gotta check my list twice to make sure I have everything I will need. No more major purchases till mid December.

Ok I get to leave early ... I'm out!

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-08-24T07:37:00

2005-08-24T12:12:35Z

What a start to my morning. My son decided to use half the roll of toilet paper to wipe and consequently stopped up the toilet. Now I don't know when this happened but when I went to check on him brushing his teeth I looked at the toilet and discovered that it clearly happened the day before or even the day before that. He continued to use it even though it wasn't flushing. I don't ever use this bathroom... it's his and the guest bathroom. I just couldn't believe he kept using it. Now I don't have a plunger... so being a handy mom.. I fashion a wire coat hanger into the toilet paper remover thingy. But it didn't work. Dammit all!! So I called the boy and told him to fix it.

Now for the rest of my day.... Stopping in Zach's school to see how he's doing, then off to see my doctor, then work *blah*

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-08-23T16:07:00

2005-08-23T21:12:10Z

I will never never never be a push over again.

I will speak my mind.

I will be me.

I can be weird and/or crazy if I choose to.

If you don't like it ... You can get da' walkin'

You'd be surprised how long it took me to honestly believe this. Thank god for friends. Particularly one *wink* I love you girl!

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-08-22T20:39:00

2005-08-23T00:40:09Z

Hmm.. I can't link my pictures from Fotki to LJ. Any ideas as to how to fix it?

A happy day for good friends

2005-08-21T00:15:39Z

It's not often that someone makes me smile these days... but watching two people I care for fall in love and get married makes me smile.

Shawn and Jaime

and look at that bling bling OMG

Bling Bling

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-08-17T21:01:00

2005-08-18T01:03:02Z

I LOVE my doctor... he is the man.

Happiness is in my mind and it will come out and play... the gloves are off.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-07-24T18:10:00

2005-07-24T22:13:11Z

I think I've lost myself and who I want to be. I don't know how to get it back, but I want it so bad I can taste it.

I've had horrible feelings. Feelings I don't want to feel, but seem to overcome me when they surface. I feel trapped in another person and I can't get out.

forsakengirl001 @ 2005-06-23T20:59:00

2005-06-24T01:18:05Z

What a long day. I really enjoy being out and about during the day, opposed to being stuck in my office. But DAMN... it's too hot to be wearing a suit. On top of that, my company cars A/C is out. How fun is that!!! I got a rental today, thank god. A Chrysler Pacifica... it's nice.. the ac works so that's really all I care about. I've got so many special coverages to deal with this weekend. I'm sure I wont have a relaxing weekend.

Zach has Karate graduation Saturday morning. He's so excited. This is his first belt change... he's a third degree white belt now. My little man is moving up to a white/yellow belt. He thinks he's a super ninja now.. I can't even imagine how he's going to be after the graduation.

We've managed to make more progress on Rodney's house. The fridge is now at my house and my old fridge is now a storage fridge for extra kegs. super... that's what we need. There's so much cleaning we've got to do, I just dread it. Lots of little things to do.. all the annoying stuff that everyone puts off.... we are really really putting it off. But the time is coming. I'm getting frustrated with the bill situation. Having two house payments when you only live in one... sucks. No more "round to it" thinking... it's time. I've got to get the ball rolling.